Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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