he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
