Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We left an ass print on the piano.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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