How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
