Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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