umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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