I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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