people are starting to question the shark bite story
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
