You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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