the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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