her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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