On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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