Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
zippers are such a cool invention
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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