if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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