I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
