Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
