Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
