these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
