my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
