oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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