We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
