i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
