I've blown a few things in my day
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
