I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
