you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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