Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
