jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
