Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
