i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
