wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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