you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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