After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
