Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
