someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
too bad you live with your parents still
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
