I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We have started to decorate penises.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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