I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
