Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
