Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
