I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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