I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
