They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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