Me. At least after what I've been through.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Randomize
