things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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