if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just found puke in my bra..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
