Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Pooping to opera.
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