OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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