god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
