I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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