winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
