i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
