so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
