she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
