just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
