I just cut my nipple shaving
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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