This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
